I’m on the middle of reading “The Courage to be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

It’s introducing me to Adlerian Psychology, which I don’t recall having ever learned about. It’s an interesting way of viewing the world that isn’t natural for me but it feels both useful and important to me so I keep reflecting upon it and re-listening to passages.

To briefly summarize, the authors contrast Adlerian theory with Freudian theory which is more ingrained in me. Let’s use an example from my life to compare the differences. At times, I’ve told myself that “I’m a little socially awkward and I’m not good at making friends”. 

The Freudian way of looking at this might peer into my past and see that I had some traumatic events as a child. In my youth, I navigated moments of loneliness and feelings of not fitting in at school. Perhaps I lacked social support at home and I now tell myself that my childhood resulted in my social anxiety and it’s the cause of my social awkwardness. The ‘cause’ from my past made me the way that I am today. 

The Adlerian method of analyzing the same situation leverages a very opposite approach as it focuses only on the present. At this moment, I choose not to try to make friends and I avoid social interactions. To help protect me from my fear of social encounters, my body even creates anxiety at the thought. I accept ‘my story’ that “I’m just socially awkward” and this gives me a ‘free pass’ to skirt social situations.

Through an Adlerian lens, I’m making an active choice to be socially awkward because it’s my choice and it’s an easier path for me when compared to changing and feeling discomfort with social interactions. With a Freudian perspective, I’m more a victim of past events which I had no control over. Adlerian thinking puts the responsibility for my experience squarely on my shoulders while the Freudian perspective absolves me of most responsibility.  For me, I feel power in learning to view the world as an Adlerian may and it’s an exercise that I’m walking my brain through to develop a more natural ability to see the world in this way. 

The book has really brought the concept of ‘free will’ front and center for me. Free will is a topic that I enjoy pondering. I tend to believe that free will doesn’t exist and it’s simply an illusion. If someone were to hold out both hands in the shape of a fist and ask me to choose one and if I were to choose the left, it could be argued that me choosing the left is an exercise of my free will. While that could be true, I tend to question why I am choosing left or right in the first place. I realize that the reason I’m choosing at all is because a previous event happened which placed me into the situation. The obvious previous event (cause) is the person asking me to choose a hand, but also my childhood played a role  in that I was raised to be respectful and cooperative with people that are friendly. An infinite number of events had to unfold exactly as they had to put me in that situation where I ‘choose’ the left hand.

Applying my typical viewpoint of free will being an illusion with my initial scenario of being socially awkward, I could easily fall into Freudian thinking and identify past events as the cause which result in the effect (my awkwardness). As an exercise, I instead strawman the alternative approach. When I assume that I have a choice to be socially awkward or to no longer be socially awkward, I imagine that my choice has powerful implications on my life. Do I want to continue being a victim of past events or change my narrative and be free of my past? (which doesn’t even exist any more) Now I’m recognizing that the fact that I’m present with a choice, can be viewed as caused by a long list of past events. If it weren’t for Adlerian Psychology existing, I may never have come to realize that I have a choice in the present which demonstrates my free will. 🤔 So perhaps it was just the way the divine dominos fell for me to be in the present moment, aware that I’m faced with a choice (or illusion of a choice), and that I can demonstrate my free will by choosing a new path. 

Life is a lot like one of these.

At times it can feel maddening and in other moments, like an unsolvable riddle that provides hours of fun to go round with. I tend to believe that life can be both at the same time. At a certain point, does it really matter if we have free will or if free will is an illusion?  Perhaps we’re being propelled forward into the unknown by some past dominos that have fallen? Perhaps we’re making a series of choices. The events that are happening in the world still happen and the mystery in front of us is exciting to watch unfold. 

The Adlerian perspective leaves me with a sense of awe and mystery. Something about it feels profound and seems to empower me to make the world a better place. Whether true, or an illusion, it feels like a more productive way to live. It’s comes down to choice, or illusion of choosing one of the following:

Accept that one is a victim of past events from which we can never escape

or

Accept that the past doesn’t matter and one is responsible for shaping their own experience.